Flexability | When dealing with underperforming colleagues, be candidly kind and curious

Do you get butterflies in your stomach when you have to speak to a colleague who is under the impression that they are doing a great job, but isn’t? My stomach butterflies are all over the place in that situation.

The truth is being candid and direct is the best way to help that person grow and to ensure that your team is firing on all pistons. It’s easy to let a slump in performance go unchallenged, but that puts more pressure on the others in the team.

A recent series of meetings with managers across a variety of industries has brought home to me how important it is that we managers become comfortable having these difficult conversations with underperforming colleagues.

The task goes beyond simply giving feedback. First, we must find ways to be candidly kind and curious about what has gone wrong, and why. Then we must offer insights and advice on how the individual’s performance can be improved.

The truth is often something that we don’t much like to hear. That’s why it is important for us as managers to begin this truth-seeking discussion by clearly and dispassionately setting out what actions are not meeting expectations, and then ask questions that are aimed at defusing defensiveness. Being candidly kind and curious means offering the colleague a safe space to explain themselves and outline how and why they need help.

I find it helps, ahead of one of these difficult conversations, to write out everything that is not going well. After I’ve got all my observations and feelings on paper, I can go through them and erase all the emotional connotations. That should leave me with the observed facts and behaviors.

If I’m still not sure of myself, a further step is to go for what I call a “gut check” – speak to another manager or senior colleague to find out whether they see the same challenges. This step can also be useful when it comes to brainstorming how the underperforming colleague can improve the performance. Consider role-playing the interview.

Remember that, while it’s important to listen to the underperforming colleague’s feelings about the situation or perhaps about difficult personal circumstances that are having a negative impact on their work, your conversation shouldn’t turn into a therapy session. A manager’s role is to establish the actions and behaviors that meet expectations, to remove the barriers to improved performance, and to work on a performance plan with specific objectives. They should also focus on check-ins along the way, and set a date for a follow-up evaluation on the Action Plan B.

And how does a manager get good at this? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall – practice, practice, practice. Managers need to be self-aware of their own defensive reactions and get to a place of listening and curiosity during this uncomfortable conversation. I make myself slow right down and listen very carefully. I ask open-ended questions – “What influences your daily performance? What keeps you from getting to work on time? What do you do during your breaks? How does your performance influence the performance of the team?”

This listening is important because how the colleague responds is critical. Assess their answers and decide whether this is a person who has the organization’s values at heart. If what you hear tells you that they will never buy into the organization’s values, then perhaps it is time to help them move on. You can’t fix core values that are not aligned with the company’s.

If the reaction you get is defensive, consider asking an open-ended question that requires the colleague to respond rather than react. It’s okay to ask whether you and the colleague might both take a step back and regroup later. Use this step-back time to question your own delivery of the “bad review” in case a “do-over” will help. No one wants to hear negative things about themselves that push our critter brain into fight-or-flight action. Time and space can help the logic part of the brain take over.

Be curious and listen with your all senses as if your life depended on it. Instead of saying “What’s wrong”, ask “How can I help?”

Good luck, and keep those stomach butterflies flying in formation!